Grandparenting

I am not a scientist, but I know there is a spot in the brain somewhere that goes soft the day one becomes a grandparent. Okay, I am relying on anecdotal evidence, but so far my incomplete survey is displaying 100% results in favor of my thesis. Take the case of my "military" friend, Bill Warren, who would rather "remove the temptation" than see his granddaughter's cute little hand get a spank. This observation was relayed to me by his other daughter who commented, "That is not my father!"

I realized the day Stacy was born that my granddaughter could do no wrong. My theology tells me this proposition is impossible. My personal experience as a father only reinforces the biblical doctrine of human depravity. But grand parenting schizophrenia allows for me to preach total depravity on the one hand, and coo mantras of innocence to my little grandchildren on the other.

All of that was about 10 minutes ago. Now, all of a sudden I find myself a great grandfather. But no matter, it only gets worse. My son-in-law challenged me with, "My granddaughter is cuter than your granddaughter." After a full 30 seconds, Stacy got the point and complained, "Hey, wait a minute! That's me!"

Hey, they're coming too fast! Now I have a grandson too. Little David was born last Tuesday, and he is quite a handsome fellow, if I do say so myself. He even has a nice head full of dark hair. I have often thought of starting a side business making wigs for little newborns. It seems especially shameful for a little baby girl to be bald. If enough people agree with me we might pool our capital and invest in "Mops for Tots" or whatever.

Some kids come out looking as though they have just survived 5 rounds with Sugar Ray. They have red splotches all over their face, bulges and wrinkles where they shouldn't be, and they make it even worse by scrunching up the face and bellering. Now when someone points to his little darling, and he looks like a retiring boxer, I have learned to say, "Now there's a baby!" Truth has been told yet feelings have not been crushed. Anyway, my great grandson is more handsome than yours.