Sometime you may call my home and ask for me. Don't be surprised if Barbara says, "He can't come to the phone just now. Rollie is on the rocks." There have been myriads of euphemisms to refer to this indisposition that prevents social interaction. Sometimes I have said that I was doing my banking. In fact I was making a substantial deposit on the bank of porcelain. Let others resort to crude and vulgar terms. I think polite society ought to transform the more disgusting applications of life by euphemistic terminology. In this fashion we can convey the truth, without offensive crudities, and perhaps even a little flair of humor.
Oh, about the rocks, you deserve an explanation. A very dear friend of ours, whom we have known and loved for 25 years or more, likes to give us distinctive and practical presents for birthdays or Christmas or special occasions of her own invention. A few years ago Norma gave me a toilet seat that is made of clear plastic with the most beautiful, smooth brook stones embedded into the plastic. No, it does not make the seat any harder, but it is quite striking, and pleasant to observe. It transforms a normally crass facility of the modern home into an interesting conversation piece.